Starting Over

I'm officially starting this blog with a semi-blank slate. I apologize to those of you who are familiar with it, but I simply could not keep up with all of the things I had to do and update this blog at the same time. As I fell behind I fell into a sort of blogging depression. The task of catching up with all that I had not written became daunting, and the joys of writing Unconscious became my only real passion for Time For Hugs.
Something interesting happened a few days ago though. My spaceship abc's poster skyrocketed in popularity, and my site, while not viral, received many more hits than it ever had before. With this influx of viewers I decided I needed to step up my game... so here we are.
So who is William? And why am I watching him? When this blog started he was simply my girlfriend's one year old son. Now, as I sit in our apartment, watching Curious George with him next to me, he is more than just my girlfriend's son. He may not be blood, but he is my family, and I love him as my own.
William is now two, and being two he is obsessed with the words "No", "Mine", and "Why?" He is extremely verbose and talkative, although his temper often puts his manners and speech far from his mind. William is the Hulk. Unstoppable, anger prone, easily distracted by shiny things, but also possessing a keen intellect and impressive communication skills.
He's also a pain in the butt sometimes, which he must of gotten from his mother.
Because he obviously didn't get it from me.
I think he got my looks.

An open letter to William

Dear William,
I write this letter with the hopes that one day you will read it and perhaps understand why I had to leave every weekend. I hope you read it and will understand how hard it was to look into your eyes and tell you goodbye when you asked me to stay. I hope you read it and will forgive me, and barring that at least understand that I did what I thought was right, even if it was not what I wanted.

Depending on when you read this (either soon after my writing this as your mom has said she will read this to you, or when you are older and perhaps do not even recall the days you asked me to stay) it will probably matter very little. But as a writer I need this out now, because you and your mom mean the world to me, and I hope that through writing I may be absolved of my mistakes, and find comfort in the airing of my difficulties.

Recently  I had to drop you off with your great grandparents because your mom was at work and it was past your bed time. You had a little smile and an outstretched hand, eagerly saying, "Come on Daddy, come on." Your eyes had a hint of sadness, like you knew I was leaving and you sought to draw out the night as long as possible, and I have no doubt you knew exactly what was happening, because it is how it always has happened.

I couldn't leave then. You and your mother have this insane ability to look at me with those blue eyes and make me stay. So I followed you in, thinking that I would set you on the couch and then leave. I sat you down, immediately for you to pat the seat beside you and give me that same little smile. "Sit daddy, sit." What was I to do. I had to go, it was late and I had school the next morning. I kissed your forehead and said I loved you and walked out. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do,  hearing you cry and run for me as I closed the door behind me.

I'm sorry I had to go William. One day I'll drop you off to sleep and I'll be there, every night. I promise you this. I had to leave because I don't have the education to make the money to get the house so that we, your mom, you and I, can be a normal family yet. Hopefully by the time you can read this we are, and you never have to see me go again. I know it's hard for you to understand it, even if you are older, but I had to do it.

I can't wait to watch you grow William, and if you are reading this and have already grown then I hope you have turned into every bit the man I know you will. I'll see you this weekend, be you big or small.

William on a Friday

There are some weekends we send William off to be with his biological father's family, and on these weekends I feel this little mix of extreme happiness and slight sadness. I'm happy because, once a month, my girlfriend and I can be a couple instead of being parents. We desperately need these as sometimes we get so caught up in the stresses of being so far away, from each other and never having any time to just enjoy each other's company that things get rather difficult between us. But the sadness comes in from not being able to see William for a whole weekend, except on the rare weekend where I can make it down there on Friday and spend some time with him before he goes.

I won't have many pictures with this post, as it's mostly just feelings and thoughts. Friday's with William are typically really good. We go get some errands done, sneak into his mommy's work and give her flowers when she's not looking, go to the library, etc. It's a simple time of a few hours where we don't have to worry about finding some place to be for 6 hours. We don't need a home because we only have a few hours together. They are great because the stress of finding a place for him and I to be is gone. It gives me time to focus on William, which I wish I could do more.

William is now two!

William is now, officially, a two year old. The officicality of said age is due to it having been celebrated in the customary manner: Presents and a party.

This would be the first of William’s birthday’s I will attend, as during his last birthday my girlfriend and I were a few weeks into our relationship and it would have been weird should I have gone. Not this time though! This time I was right there in the thick of things, doing what dads do: finding a place to avoid having to do any work or getting asked to do anything.

My girlfriend did most of the work, getting a venue (a friends house), inviting the guests, getting the food. I did some things, such as breathe and eat said gotten food. But enough about the party; lets talk about William and what he did. That is what you are all here for isn’t it?

William started off the party staring across the street at a motorcycle a neighbor had. Behind him lay car decorations, a bubble machine, hordes of family, and food, but all he cared about was what was across the street and whether or not that was his birthday present. Hint: It wasn’t.

My time with William during the party would be short. In the beginning I took on the over involved parent, trying to make a good impression on everyone around because I was the oddity in the group. I quickly realized that what I needed to do was let the people who were there to see William take care of William. I’d check in from time to time, but for the most part he was busy playing catch in the front yard with some of his relatives.

It was soon time for cake. We got him a chocolate and vanilla cake with little car toys on top. William refused the cake and instead pleaded for the cars as we tried to take his picture blowing out the candles.

Presents went about the same way as they did during Christmas time. After one present he didn’t want to open more so we had to force him to sit down and tear some wrapping paper. My girlfriend and I had gotten him a toy kitchen from a thrift store. It was big, blue and pretty awesome considering William was always curious when we were in the kitchen making food. This, of course, led to some chastisement from her family. Kitchens are, to some, a girl toy; especially when looked upon by a family who’s past times include hunting, nascar and fishing. I defended, and still defend, the decision as I have always thought of the kitchen as the manliest place in the house; being a room that houses fire, knives and food.

And now William is two and I can’t wait to see how much he grows before the next birthday party, which after this post I will probably be expected to help out more with. What have I done?

One Year With William

This month marks the end of the first full year I've been dating my girlfriend and have been in William's life. I've witnessed his first steps, heard his first words, felt his first temper tantrums, and sat down and talked with him on more curbs than I can think of. And that's where I will begin today: The Curb Talk.

It started before William could even talk a little. We were at Game Parlor before it closed down and he was having a particularly angry day. He has never been the kid to nap anywhere. Unless he is in a car or at home he will not nap, not even if he is comfortably in his stroller. As my girlfriend and I tried to get through a little game of Warmachine William began to get restless. It got to the point where I had to take him outside so my girlfriend could finish her game. William and I sat down on the curb and I talked to him about how I knew he wanted to go play, but he had been playing all day and it was his nap time now. After a little while we went back in, where he started to fuss again.

There have been a few other times we have curb talked. Where I will take him outside and sit on the curb and sit him down next to me. Lately I have had trouble with him not making eye contact which makes them hard because I know he's not listening. It's simply a time out for the most part, with me talking about why he should not act like he is.

Another moment of brief, bonding clarity was a lunch at Five Guys. We were sitting, eating, and Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages" came on the overhead speakers. I have mentioned William's love of this song in a previous post, but it was not until recently that I learned what he says when his mom plays it for him at home. Apparently he keeps asking for me when it comes on, and my girlfriend thinks it reminds him of me somehow.

There are other moments like the ones above that stand out as well. There are moments I've had with William where he and I connect. While most fathers and father figures probably bond with their children  using sports and activities (as the movies tell me) William and I bond over moments of inaction. Without a home to go to, without a place to stay, he and I are constantly moving about on days that I am alone with him. The moments of inaction are a stark contrast to the normal hectic pace, and I'm glad I can give him a few of them.

Some things that William Likes

One of the downsides to living an hour away from my girlfriend is that I do not get to see William every day, or even half of the week. I get to see him for two days, three if I am lucky, out of the seven. This has the unfortunate side effect of it being hard to track his every day growth, or to watch him learn and discover what he likes and doesn't like as it happens. I miss out on a lot of his favorite things because I simply am not around to see what he likes. There are a few things I have learned about his list of favorite things however, and I will share them with you.

Favorite Song: William has quite a few favorite songs, the most adorable being "If you're happy and you know it" and "Old McDonald" because he has found a way to sing along with them. The most bizarre of his favorite songs is "Rock of Ages" by Deff Leppard. I have no idea why. One weekend it had played on the radio and he pointed at my speakers and said "Button again." I asked him if he wanted the song again and he said "yeah." He will bob his head, move his arms, sing along, and (most adorably) put his hands over his mouth and laugh when the lead singer laughs at the end of the song.

Favorite Show: There are many people who claim a child should not have television until he/she is over two years old. My girlfriend and I have not had the option to remove it, but I've seen enough to know that the television has had an impact on him, and a largely positive one. When he does watch T.V it is almost always "Noggin", and only the shows we have approved of. (I despise Thomas the Train engine.)  His favorite show is Caillou, a four year old cartoon child who happens to have about as much hair as fuzzy wuzzy. I don't see the appeal, but it's had a huge impact on him wanting to be a "big boy" and he often mentions "Caillou pee pee" ("Pee pee like Caillou" from what I can translate.) when he goes to use the potty.

Favorite Toy: This is a tough one. William's two favorite toys are cars and balls. Give him any one of these and he will be content for a good amount of time. I would put a great amount of money into a toy that somehow combined the two. A big car with detachable balls for wheels? Would probably lose the wheels within a week. Never mind.

These are all I can think of at the time. He doesn't really have a favorite food, or color, or place to play. I'm sure I'll learn more as he continues to grow.

William's manners

As a parent I feel that one of my main lessons to William should be how to have civil interactions with other people in order to get things that he wants, live happily, make others happy, and coexist peacefully with anyone, even if they do not share the same civil code. Although I hope to achieve this by living by example quite often my girlfriend and I need to take him aside and talk to him, hoping his almost two year old mind comprehends the gist of what we are saying. At the moment our lessons revolve around the use and meaning of three phrases: Please, thank you, and excuse me.

Thank you was the first one of these that William learned, as usually we would give him things because he didn't know the words to ask for them. Most of the time his "thank you" comes out more of a "doo you" but we get the point. Somewhere along the way though he learned that "You're welcome" means that he needs to say "Thank you" again. This has lead to great car discussions where either his mother or I will give him something, he will say "thank you", we will say "you're welcome", then he will say "thank you" because we said "you're welcome" because he said "thank you", so we will say "you're welcome" because he said "thank you" because we said "you're welcome" because he said "thank you". Rinse and repeat until a car ride is over.

In theory please is the easiest form of manners to learn. If you want something you say "please", and then the other person shares it with you. In practice there are 2 ways this goes wrong. The first is that kids don't always want to share (and in truth don't need to share, if it is theirs it is theirs, not Williams) and then the lesson is that "please" doesn't get you anywhere. This is a hard lesson, as I have to teach William that in some cases it's ok not to share, because he doesn't have a right to everything, nor do kids have a right to everything of his. The second, and most challenging, way that it goes wrong is when William thinks please can get him away with taking things. Using the dreaded word "Mine" he will take something, and then proceed to say "Please" as if that will make up for the fact he took something that is not his.

The third, and final, lesson that William has learned is "Excuse Me." His first use of this was when we were in the mall playplace yet again. A older child (who was too old to be in the play place by the height chart) was playing with a ball game on the wall. It was a simple maze with three balls that you can move along the different paths. William went over to the boy on the opposite side and tried to play with one of the balls. The kid promptly moved in his way. William walked to the other side. The kid moved in his way. At around this time I went over to William and said, loud enough for the other child to hear, "Hey William, you should say 'excuse me' to the boy, and maybe he will share one of the balls with you, as he doesn't need all three to do what he is doing." William went over and said "Cooze me" in the most adorable voice, which caused the little boy to jump onto the game, his whole body covering it, and gave out a high pitched squeal. I decided I'd take William out for ice cream in order to make sure at least some of the lesson got through.

All of these lessons are still hard. William has had little interaction with other kids, and is used to having things be his. We went to Chuckie Cheese the other day and he was playing on a basketball hoop game. A little boy walked over within 5 feet and William stopped smiling, stared at him, screamed at him and shook his hand at him. We picked him up and left, telling him that until he learns how to at least share the air with other kids he wouldn't be going to play places like that any more.

William's Second Christmas Part 1

Woah, it's been a good bit of time since I've updated. I have a lot to write, but I suppose I will get to that in time. For now I will entertain you all with the tale of the first christmas I had with William: Christmas 2011.

William has grown quite a bit since the last time I have talked about him. He can speak with quite a few more words, and he has grown in his understanding of the world in numerous ways, including how to play with toys. For a few months he has been fascinated by cars. "Car" has replaced "Ball"on the list of things I can anticipate hearing at least 50 times a day.

Switching gears, but keeping in mind William's fascination with cars, our focus will change to the Holiday we spend two months preparing for: Christmas.

I'm not sure how much William knows about Santa. We've tried to explain it to him, but the concepts seem to be over his understanding at the moment. This detail would not distract him from his presents however.

At 8 Oclock the festivities began, with us telling William to go downstairs, and with William not really knowing to expect presents. We emptied his stocking in front of him and he immediately grabbed the Optimus Prime helmet, along with two straws. All of the other toys at the moment did not matter, as he wanted to wear the helmet and run around with the straws shouting "PEW PEW!" At his mother and I.

It was with some gifts that I learned the number one role of being a dad of young children during christmas: I had to build everything. No matter what it is, a car ramp, cardboard blocks, bike etc, it was up to me to put it together. On a completely unrelated topic, do you know a fully built toy to a toddler is like a red flag to a bull? It's like a siren call, a siren that is soon to be destroyed by a toddlers destructive grasp.

As the morning progressed, and more present unwrapping occurred, William became overwhelmed with the multitude of gifts that had come his way. He took to playing mostly with the big toys, and as we were playing upstairs I took this moment to bring the smaller toys down to his toy box. My plan was working perfectly until attention was drawn to me. Caught red handed, a rocking horse in hand, William stared at me and started to cry. Amidst his tears I took the toy downstairs, at which point he gladly went back to his rocking tricycle.

Wrapping up the first part of Christmas, which at the time of writing I am now two months late for, William did do one other thing of note. As my girlfriend and I cuddled on the couch, content in watching  whatever was on TV at the time, William came up to us and started beckoning us to play with his new toys, despite the fact for the greater part of the past 3 hours we had played with him. Of course how can you say no to this face?